question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
