i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
