it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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