How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Send help, water and tortillas.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
