talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
