Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
