you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
