I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
