I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
