Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
