My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
