He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
