i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
