there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
