Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
