I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
People in love make me want to vomit
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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