i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
