Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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