I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
There r osticjed everywhere
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
