you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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