I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize