You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
