Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
