at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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