His hands were made for my vagina.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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