I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
