I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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