I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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