Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
