i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
