She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
