I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
