Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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