I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
