he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
