He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
