i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
