his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
