dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
