I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
