At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
