Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
