u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
