And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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