Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
