If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
