all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
