I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
