I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
