would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
