I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
