i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
