dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
it glows. i had to have it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
