So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
